Happy Birthday To Me

As many of you know, February 14th, St. Valentine's Day, is also my birthday.  It is only fitting that the holiday celebrating love would be deemed by the cosmos as the day the earth welcomed my feline presence, considering that I am a master of love in all of its forms.  It also appears that I am the master of the run-on sentence.  When one is as old as I am, correcting grammar (even one's own) is the right of advanced age.  So as I sit here writing to my many fans, I have to again apologize for my absence from the blog.  Its been a crazy year, the move to Arizona, numerous months where I just soaked in much needed heat, and then we moved house again.  This uprooting business really has to stop and to make matters worse, my friend is gone for ridiculous hours, she is just never home.  

But enough of that!  Happy Birthday To Me! Happy Birthday toooo meee!  Happy Birthday to meee eeee.  Happy Birthday to meeee!  Yes, this year I am the big 18 in human years!  That is 126 in cat years, give or take a year.  I am really damn old!  But while that may be a fact, I have the agile  body of a much younger tomcat and I cruise the counter tops and beat up the dogs (yes there are 2 now...more on that later)  on a daily basis.  I do sleep more than in past years, but I am 126 years old for goddssake.  Myself and the Other Cat have made progress in dealing with the alien buffoon, we all sleep on the bed with my friend.  Not how I imagined spending my golden years, but at least I am with my friend, whom I love. 

More later,

Story Out!

Coincidence? I think not...

This is a repost from a previous blog. Now you will understand why I call the thing that dwells within my home the 'alien buffoon'. Read on, if you dare!

January 24, 2007
Well, it has been four months since the creature arrived. And it is staying. My friend is completely enamored with it and takes it on trips with her. She thinks it is a “pet”, nay a companion. Something akin to what myself and The Other Cat provide. The pain of such an insult may never leave my heart. But, she has been completely fooled by this buffoon. It is no more a “pet” than I am a cab driver. I would choose the word “pest” over “pet” to describe the presence of this thing. I shiver.

Recently, I have come to new conclusions regarding the origin of the buffoon, thus explaining my long absence from my blog. I have spent much of the winter months reviewing cinematic footage that explains the details and inner workings of the great battle between good and evil; light versus dark; big versus small. Yes, I have perused the gamut of classical themes detailing profound conflict via film. These studies have led me to believe that our lovely planet has been invaded by small, unkempt creatures, lacking intelligible communication skills, and wielding small sticks. They are insidious things that have completely fooled the people into believing they are cute!

Take a moment for yourself. I know it is shocking.

Based upon my research it is apparent that these “Ewoks” have successfully insinuated themselves into our world as these terrible companion pests. But on their own planet, these creatures spin their little pea brains and develop more plans to insert their own kind into other civilizations.

Ah, but back to my friend. Is it really her fault that she has been fooled by this other-worldly creature? I can’t blame her. I can only show her how to deal with him. Fortunately, he is completely under my power. They can be easily controlled with a series of rapid bats to the nose.

I can only protect her.

The Other Cat is still in shock and tries to attack it. They do battle daily. Unfortunately, the thing has large jaws that have more than once nipped her. She doesn’t realize that she could pop him one on the nose (she has claws!) and he would be hers to rule. She is young.

The Nip.

Unfortunately for you humans catnip is illegal. Or so I hear. Apparently there is some law that says you cannot lick weed or roll around in it and yowl. That is too bad. My Friend, who is pretty hip to the nip, lets me and the Other Cat have a snoot full about once a day. She has also provided us with paraphernalia with which we can use our daily dose. The nip is really good for chilling oneself out. Being a cat, I am pretty chill. But you know sometimes, you want to take it to a different plane....man. And I am not talking United Airlines....man... You know what kind of plane I mean...man

Sorry, I channeled Tommy Chong there for a minute. Sometimes he jams my frequency, but that is what is so cool about frequency....its like free....

The alien buffoon has tried to partake, but really he is just not sophisticated enough to understand a) what the hell he is doing. He just sits on our drug mat (a mat on which the nip is scattered for our enjoyment) and b) he doesn't even partake in the nip, it just hangs off of his fur. What a waste!

Well, I sincerely hope that your nip laws change in the near future.

Chillin' in the AZ.....Story

A Lizard's Tale

Sorry for the cheesy title. I mean we see this everywhere these days. But if the shoe fits...

Memorial day weekend was memorable for me because I had another exciting prey capture experience. At my age, these things do not happen that often. Here we go....

So my Friend is kind enough (when she is home) to keep the back door open so we (myself and the Other Cat) can go out and bask upon the perfectly heated concrete. Another positive feature of this action is that the alien buffoon prefers to remain inside so essentially the out of doors is mine and the Other Cat's oyster. So to speak.

A few days ago The Other Cat and myself captured a shiny gray and green lizard. Now many of you vision specialists out there may not know that cats can see some color, but we can! And green and yellow are what we can see. As a team, we brought the beast in the house to show our Friend our bounty, which would of course please her. I mean a fresh lizard would please anyone!

So we let it go so it can run around and we can play with it before we kill it for our Friend. It hid under the ottoman. It ran under the side table. It ran under the sofa and attempted to escape from behind the sofa when I karate chopped its tail right off! The tail, in an excited frenzy, leaped into the air and wiggled around in a most fascinating manner! I couldn't keep my eyes off of it. I was mesmerized by its friskiness and it smelled like fresh lizard! Fantastic!

Then my Friend descended upon me and the leaping tail with great distress and shooed me away. Scooped up the tail and put it in the trash can!!! The horror! The waste of a fresh tail!

I skulked away.

Later, I came back to the main room to "do in" the remainder of the lizard. So I crept under the couch where I had spied the lizard when I had left previously. It was there breathing, next to the wall. No tail. But there was quite a bit of lizard left. I am sure my Friend would be pleased with this large bounty.

I tried to go in for the lizard and then all of a sudden the entire couch was thrown back and my Friend once again intervened in my attempt to do my duty as house predator. I was perplexed! Again I was shooed away and the lizard was then gone. I don't know what she did with it. Maybe she wanted to kill it herself. Which I can understand.

But can't she give this old cat his due?

I hope the lizard tasted good. I will have to ask her.....

Another alien visitor

Listen. I know the dog is not an alien buffoon. But, he certainly acts like one. For instance, this evening he is sitting on his rump and starts scooting around like child's pull toy. No one does that! Not even my Friend! And she walks on....get this...only two legs!

So I am writing today (I know its been a while) to tell you about the other alien buffoon that landed in my palatial digs last week. Similar in physique to the resident alien buffoon, but more slender. I have been trying to let on that the resident alien bufffoon (RAB for this post) needs to shed a few pounds. But he ignores me.

So my friend had this older person come stay with her for a week and she brought this gray small dog, as I said not too unlike the RAB. This one was pretty quiet and stayed next to the older person most of the time. But get this, it would USE THE BATHROOM IN THE HOUSE AND ON THE CARPET when the older person was gone! We (myself, the Other Cat, and the RAB) were completely flummoxed! The nerve! Not one of us would ever DARE do such a thing. Come to find out that this other dog is a bit crrraazzy. Clearly.

During this past year or so of dealing with the RAB, the Other Cat has mustered up the courage to hang out around the RAB and this other... revolting... creature. I am proud of her. I just slept through his visit. Now he is gone. The house is back to normal, somewhat.

It is hot here in the new house. My Friend has noisy fans running all day which disturb my beauty sleep. My Friend is gone too often. She needs to be around so that I can lay upon her.

Ah well, such is life. More to report soon.

Story

Figuring it out....

So I am very sorry to all of my readers for being absent for so long! I have finally figured out a way to do my writing...my important writing about my life using this more sophisticated blogging site that is attached to my website. I also have a MySpace page that you should check as well. There I will have my latest updates about music I am listening to and more visual opinions about what is going on in the world. I also have a MySpace blog, but I am not sure which I will use more this one or that one. Perhaps I shall cross-post! I will let you know.

For now, I am giving you the most complete update I can about my life up to today.

You may have noticed by looking at the info on the blog page that I now reside in Arizona rather than Cleveland, Ohio, which is where I started this blog. The major difference that I see between the locales is that I get to go outside regularly in Arizona. Also in Arizona there is a delightful amount of hot concrete upon which I can lay. Here in Arizona, I have also rediscovered my taste for greens. I enjoy a daily "salade" of grass or dandelion which helps to clear the digestive tract.

With this new move (the move being a tale in itself) I see my Friend a lot less and she seems to spend more time with the alien buffoon than she did previously. Let me see if I can recap the last year in a few paragraphs and give you an idea of how it went.

Most of 2007: My Friend (whom I love) spent most of the year with some large male version of herself and was gone from the apartment in Cleveland more than I would have liked. Fortunately, she would take the alien buffoon with her so at least we had some peace. "We" being myself and The Other Cat. However, one of the activities that I am passionate about is sitting on my Friend's lap, or any part of her body. This is how I show her love and in Cleveland it had a dual function of providing warmth as well. But her frequent absences during 2007 did not allow for much of this to happen. So I spent a considerable amount of time cuddling with The Other Cat. This has its good points, but she is bigger and younger and tends to bite and claw when moody. This is not ideal for someone of my advanced and respectable age.

Summer 2007: My Friend took us to live at the male version's house! With the alien buffoon! I had no idea what the hell was going on. Then to top things off...she left us there! The Other Cat and myself were incredulous. The alien buffoon didn't give a damn. Also, the male version lived with a cat. This cat was so unfriendly and rejected all of my advances! I suppose she is not used to suave tomcats like myself. Fortunately, after a few weeks, my Friend returned and spirited us back to our own home. A very odd incident that I had hoped wouldn't repeat itself.

End 2007: In Cleveland, the winters are cold, wet, and snowy. Fortunately, I only experienced the cold part and could hide under blankets when it became too much. But as the year drew to a close, my Friend began to pull everything out of the drawers, closets, and cupboards. She made a huge mess! She put many things in boxes and before you know it The Other Cat and myself were stashed in crates and carted over to the male version's house again! What did we do to have our home disrupted so violently and then shuttled off to this dude's house? I was flaberghasted!

Beginning 2008: Little did I know that this was the beginning of a long terrible trip. A week or so of living with that dude's cat in an unknown house was too much. The dude left for some reason and then my Friend did something I thought would never happen again. She started packing her truck. She does this in summers, but she hadn't done it this year. So I thought it was over. But no. She packed us into the back of her truck cab in a giant cage. And the journey began. Our first stop. Home. The 'Lou baby! I was back in the city where I was born, survived the floods and 3 graduate students. I was home. I had hoped to stay, but that was too much to ask. The next day was a 14 hour journey to the palatial home of the Friend's parents in Colorado. There we rested for a day or two and then we took the Friend's mother and went to Arizona. A 15 hour drive. We arrived at the new house. The greatest effrontory of this whole trip was that the alien buffoon was allowed to ride up front with my Friend, while I was stuck in the back. In a cage. Like a zoo denizen. The love I have for my Friend is too great thus, I cannot hold these things against her. But still....

The new house: So far this is the best place I have ever lived. There is room enough for me and The Other Cat. I have resumed the daily nose beatings of the alien buffoon so that he knows that only I run the house and he is merely allowed to live here. The Other Cat has an entire room to herself with a large bed. Often we sleep there together, but it is her domain. I prefer to sleep on my Friend's bed during the day when she is gone and then stand on the kitchen counter when she is around the house. There is a backyard for stalking prey and which also provides the greens I need for my digestif. Frankly it is a good life. I just wish my Friend was around more. I wonder where she goes during the day.

More later! Story out.